I held on to a friendship for way too long and in the end, the universe had to end it for me. And it was painful.
I should have let the friendship go a few years back. At the time, I had been giving a lot of myself, and not in a way that I wanted to give of myself. I needed that shoulder-to-shoulder, let’s-hang-out, connection. So, for months I planned times for us connect. Lunches, dinners, movies, drinks, etc. All which were canceled at the last minute, rejected as unavailable, or worse, completely “forgotten” altogether. It led to a (slightly humorous, over-the-top) confrontation which left me feeling like I needed to leave this person alone for awhile, to work out their issues.
After months of not speaking, we worked some things out and started to rebuild our friendship. But, it only took a couple more years to start feeling like I was getting the short end of the stick, again.
I found out he had been lying to me, for years. It destroyed his family and our friendship along with it. For some reason, I’m okay with it.
Maybe, I just didn’t expect that much from him or the relationship.
Maybe, I am living without expectations of others. I don’t become attached to relationships like I used to. The hurt that I would normally feel from a betrayal of this magnitude just isn’t there. And, I’m thankful for that. I was sad that the relationship ended and that I lost a friend. But they checked-out of the relationship a long time ago.
Looking back, I wasn’t what he needed in a friend either, but he wasn’t in a place to know what it was that he did need and, therefore, unable to tell me.
A question that I’m left with is: When someone hurts or betrays you, what does that mean? … And how do you move on?
The best answer I’ve found is to be grateful and give thanks for the friendship. Find a lesson you learned and apply it in your life.
I did learn a lesson or two:
- Don’t force a friendship to try to make it work. There should be an equal effort on equal sides.
- Don’t become so attached that you hang on for too long.
- Know when a friendship needs to end. If you don’t end it when the time is right, the universe will end it for you.
Gina is a Creative Collaborator who helps clients find clarity and simplify their life and their career. Connect with her @gnobile9 or visit www.leadershipisart.com for more information.