What do your tears reveal to you? Or what does your lack of tears reveal?
Last week, I was dropping my youngest off at preschool and upon pulling into the parking lot she instantly began to whimper. Her whimpers were soon followed by a chant of “I don’t want to go.” Her whimpers became more sobs as I pulled into a parking spot and turned off the car. She was now crying hysterically screaming, “I don’t want to go.” I unbuckled her from the carseat held her tightly and proceeded to carry her into school. Her oldest sister simply carried on as normal with almost a joyful skip in her step as she followed along. Once inside, I asked my still crying daughter if she would go wash her hands, she replied abruptly, “I don’t want to.” I then asked, well then can we take off your jacket? She replied, “I don’t want to. I want my jacket.” She stood with her arms crossed tightly to make it impossible to unzip and remove. Finally I picked her up and said, fine then you’ll just stay in your jacket. She began screaming again, “I don’t want to go!” as I carried her down the hall to her classroom. As I entered the classroom and greeted her teacher, Zoey still continued to say, “I don’t want to go.” Zoey’s teacher replied, “you and me both.” Zoey with her arms still crossed just glared at me as I blew a kiss and said good-bye. In addition to these morning, my tantrums were not isolated to being left at school – as a child my first reaction to most things was to get overly emotional. This resulted in me being labeled super or too sensitive and ultimately being name a “cry baby.” I have lived with the reactive behavior for my entire life and still feel it today in certain situations. For most of my life, I was ashamed. Never wanting to cry in front of anyone and furious with myself when I did. Tears represented weakness to me. To me they were the outward sign that told the world I was a weak little girl and that was the complete opposite of what I desired. It has taken until this past year for me to begin to realize that, tears are powerful. As I have worked on own personal growth throughout the past two years, I was forced to face what exactly the tears meant in each circumstance. In this exploration, I learned three lessons to the testament of how powerful they can be and in this episode I am happy to share them with you.