Episode 49: What Are You Afraid Of? – Leadership Arts Associates

Episode 49: What Are You Afraid Of?

The Transcript:

Hello, hello. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of The Heart of It. My name is Samm Smeltzer and as always, I am incredibly blessed to have you as a listener today and have you joining me for this little chat. And today on the episode we are talking about fears.

I’m a very strong believer when something keeps resonating up a couple of times that you got to talk about it. You got to process it. Its the lesson that’s very strong for me and in the last, my gosh, summer has been the summer of personal development for Samm Smeltzer. I have been basically turning over every rock of my past and trying to see where the lessons are and it just so happens that a lot of them have been leading me back to fear.

And the path that I went down this summer was really sparked, actually by my personal trainer, Brittney Russell, which I’m kind of on a hiatus because I’ve been going through this whole big personal and even semi-spiritual journey as a result. But the first person to kind of nudge me to start flipping rocks over is Brittney Russell and she just launched a brand new podcast with Leadership Arts Associates called Relentless Radio. Because she is such an inspiration to me, she is such an incredible motivator, which you will know that because of the incredible community that backs her, but if you want to check that out please do and it’ll give you more insight into the incredible person that she is, that was able to just nudge me to get this process going.

But the way that Brittney did this, and she probably did not know that she did this, but it started one day at the gym and we were doing I think, I believe, work with the sled. So the sled is … you think of a traditional sled but with a large amount of weight on it and pushing it up and down a sixty-yard turf. Not a sixty-yard, its a thirty-yard turf so its a total of sixty yards, thirty yards both ways. That’s the kind of work that we were doing.

And so I’d gotten really good at pacing myself, being able to deliver on the task, but I would rest accordingly, typically probably around the fifteen-yard mark. So half-way I would take a quick breather before pushing whatever amount of weight was on this sled, whether it was two-hundred, three-hundred pounds. So, this in particular day, I knew what the drill was but before I started, Brittney actually stopped me and said that she really wanted me to push myself and not allow myself to be comfortable. And so those pauses or those breaks that she was watching, she actually viewed them as me hanging out in my comfort zone and she wanted me to push through them.

I thought that was a little hysterical because a lot of the things at the gym, there’s not really anything that I would consider comfortable. I think everything is uncomfortable but yeah, when I did have the opportunity or I knew how, I would try to minimize my discomfort. And a large piece of that is because I have aerobic induced asthma so I was always fearful about triggering an asthma attack, which is just a slippery, downward spiral slope thingy.

So, she put this in my head and as I remember pushing the sled and knowing not to stop because that’s not what my coach wanted me to do so pushing through it, and trying to push through that discomfort, I realized there wasn’t really much in the tank to push through. And this goes back to a question that she was always asking me, was “Why are you here?” Like, “Why do you come and show up in the gym routinely? Why are you trying to lose extra pounds? How many pounds do you actually want to lose? You say you want to get stronger, but why? Like, what is the real, true reason?”

A really nice, easy default for me which is still very, very important is my children. My husband wanting to be around, wanting to be healthy, wanting to be able to stay active with them and keep up with them, wanting to be able to perform at my highest level, those are really great things, but there is always something else. There’s always something else that’s there and I knew that I had not found that deep rooted kind of ‘why’ answer because it … That would have been the true fuel to make sure that I kept moving forward and I didn’t have that.

I didn’t have something that would push me in those moments of true discomfort in the gym to say this is why you’re here, this is what’s going to happen. I had enough motivation that kept me going two or three times a week and getting through the workouts but I wasn’t pursuing like those people that you see even on reality TV, when they get to that point where they are pursuing their health goals and they’re all in. I was maybe, and I think Brittney would even say this to me, you know, 75 to 85 percent in which is pretty good but not enough when you’re making life changing results.

So that was the event that really started to trigger for me, started to push me, I think, you know why am I doing anything? Why did I start the business? Why do I do what I do for a living? Why do I pursue certain things in life? Why am I constantly doing that? Why am I working all these hours and not with my children? Why did I have children if I was going to pursue … all these kinds of questions that start whirling around in your head of trying to really answer that fundamental of, who am I and what am I here to do?

And I kind of always assumed that I knew and I did know at a certain level and I finally hit this point where I needed to go further. And so it was interesting as while I was doing this work and I was doing this work for a variety of different methods which I highly recommend to anyone, there’s not one way to … its not fixing yourself, its healing yourself. There’s not one way to do that. There’s going to be a variety of things that come into your life; a variety of people, a variety of methods, that are all unique to what you need at that moment. Mine was a combination of Brittney and some life coaches, and business coaches, and my husband, and the whole blend was going to come together to help you heal what you need to heal and help you go down this path of uncovering so that you can heal appropriately.

When I started really getting into the deep work of figuring out and running out of path that I think I kind of had been taking detours on and slowly walking down because I didn’t want to find out what was at the end. What was at the end of each of them was fear. Like, I didn’t want to provide the answer because I was afraid. I was extremely afraid, terrified that whatever dreams that I had, whatever goals that I set for myself, if I put them out there that I wouldn’t be able to meet them. If I had dreams it very easily turns into, “Who are you to have that dream?” When it came to my health and who I want to be and how I want to feel, there was a fear there of what would happen if I reached those goals and who I would be as a person as a result which is very … what is that word? Almost counter-productive to what your goals are health wise because if I’m trying to get there but really there’s a fear there that’s like, “Hey if you get here these horrible things are going to happen to you or you’re going to become this horrible person.” I was almost self-sabotaging myself and going backwards and that’s a lot of the healing work that I’m doing now.

But as I’m going through this and I’m getting real with the fact that I’m terrified about my dreams, about my goals, about my future, about discovering if I … not if I, but accepting that I am worthy and my dreams are real and that I can make them happen. I started to realize that I’m not alone in this venture. Around me there’s several people that are being held back by fear. And I found myself saying that to a lot of people who were giving me … you know, asking questions, they would give me a response and its a completely valid response to the question of “Why do you do what you do? Who are you?” But at the same time you could feel that its not as deeply rooted as it could be.

If that’s where you are and you’re okay with that, that’s perfectly fine. But if you are not okay with it, I really challenge you to ask yourself, what are you afraid of if you were to push yourself beyond that? If you were to say, what I am saying or the answers I’m giving are essentially politically correct for myself. These are the answers that I’ve given that I think will suffice in most situations and not offend anyone or not cause any kind of conflicts so I won’t have to defend it. So its my politically correct kind of response. But what would happen if I just got raw and authentic? And I guarantee before you could even get raw and authentic if there’s going to be a fear that is there because that’s what … well not just because I discovered it, but I’ve also seen it in a lot of other people. And whether you, like, accept that you’re afraid then jump over it to get to that raw, authentic kind of dialogue that needs to happen, there’s still always going to be a fear that’s associated there.

My big question to you is what are you afraid of? That’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot. Its a question that this week were doing some professional development with the Leadership Arts Associates team and I’m going to be asking them that same question. I don’t think that most of us realize how much fear holds us back. We think so much fear is … fear of the dark, fear of roller coasters, I look at my children and what they’re afraid of … I just took Zoey to the amusement park and what rides she refused to get on and not experiencing that. But if you take that kind of imagery and you put it to anything else in your life, if you’re so terrified to get on the ride, you never know what incredible freeing sensation it may be. I mean I love roller coasters. I love the big dips. I love the big hills and I just love the feeling that I get when I go on those roller coasters and I would have never ever known that I love that until I got over my fear of doing that.

Same thing maybe with sleeping in the dark. My children have night lights. I know that I never liked to sleep in the dark but I also … I don’t remember it but I also know how restful I sleep when I finally could sleep in the dark. And so fear really holds us back in a lot of capacities and those two it’s, you know, holds me back from an experience but also something that’s holding me back from my health and wellness. A very restful night of sleep can be a very powerful for you and your body and the healing process and taking care of you … and physically and mentally.

So ponder on fear. Ask yourself in certain situations when you feel that level of discomfort if the discomfort is … yes … its a sign of a place for growth but ask yourself first if its signaling a fear because identifying that fear first is what is essential to getting beyond it and then really being able to get into the true, raw, authentic work that most of us need to get to to have the kind of lives that we want to lead.

So there is my heart full thought for this week, as always, if you love what you’re listening to and you think it could serve others, I would appreciate it if you would share it via social media any channel that you’d like. You can also subscribe to us via iTunes Stitcher or the RSS feed on your own player that you wish to have. And also the best way to get us out there, especially on iTunes is to leave us a review, so if you could do that I would greatly appreciate it as well. And last but not least, one of the best things or my favorite thing about podcasting is when I get feedback from all of you. So if there was something that you were thinking, feeling, wanting or needing that arose as listening to this episode, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me at Samm with two m’s at leadershipisart.com and until next time, I will … Until next time have a great day. Bye.

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