Episode 50: My Truth of Today – Leadership Arts Associates

Episode 50: My Truth of Today

The Transcript:

Well, hello there and welcome to this episode of The HRart of It, my official plog. Obviously, my blog via podcast episodes. My name is Samm Smeltzer and I, as always, am incredibly blessed to be your host on this podcast. Today I really struggled with, if I wanted to record this or not, but it seems once again, and this is just like what I talked about in the last episode, when something keeps reappearing, when it keeps coming back up, I feel like it’s something that needs to be talked about and this topic, I’ve been not hesitant, but very … I’m not even cautious. It’s almost like I have just been so sad about it, it does something inside of me that I’ve been speechless. I guess that’s really what it is. When it comes down to it, I have truly been speechless as to what to say or how to respond.

Social media is such a powerful channel that is out there, and I guess you could call me a Facebook stalker or a comment stalker. I’ve never really gotten into forums, but I actually really like to look at the comments and the discussions that people engage in on a certain post, whether it’s an image, whether it’s a current event, and that’s something that I do frequently. With all the current events that have been happening recently, there have been a lot of hot, hot topics, some very topics that resonate, and not resonate, but really hit on people’s individual value set systems, a lot of topics hitting on who we are as a country, talking about who we are as Americans. It has been interesting. I mean, it’s been interesting since the election occurred and then on top of that, it’s become even more and more just sad.

I think when the election was going on I had words to articulate how I felt at that time, and now just watching the magnitude of the events and how they have grown to certain things, things that are on a national level, things that are happening at the local level, I’ve just kind of become speechless, which is kind of showing in this podcast, but about, I guess, a little over a week ago I had something happen to me that kind of hit me personally. It really kind of resonated within me on the similar kind of value set system that happens when I read these current life events and these things that have been happening. It comes from basically this viewpoint of hate and not seeing things from a lens of love and wherever is fueling from. That’s something that’s really hard for me to wrap my head around, is when someone is coming from a severe place of hate.

Hate is such a strong emotion. It’s such a strong emotion that leads to actions that just are really unfathomable to me to know that and to be able to tolerate it. It just breaks my heart. It really just breaks my heart, and there’s been a couple of things that I was reading today on Facebook and then Twitter. I know those aren’t true primary news feeds, but then also just watching the news. You know, I think why social media hits me on such a strong level is that my feed is filled with people that I care about, that I love, and to see either those people going after each other, to see how those people are being impacted directly by the occurrences that are happening, it just is completely heartbreaking. I truly believe in my heart that hate on any level is not okay and it does not get us back to a path where we can truly be who we want to be as individuals.

I think that’s across the board regardless of what effort we are talking about, whether it is race and diversity in general, whether it is how I feel about another person just because I don’t like them. You know, I think back to my childhood and how loosely, as a child, I would use this term about hating people, and there are some people who do some awful things. They do awful things, but to truly hate someone is bringing up an emotion within you that is just so dark and so heavy. When I see it being present in any form, my heart breaks and my heart breaks for the person who is feeling the hate and unable to see it through a lens of love. It makes me concerned and worried about where that path is going to take them. You know, as a mother, I definitely have the mother card kick in about security and safety and what that means in the greater good.

As typical, I don’t like to get political and I think that comes from my HR background. I don’t like to get political or really religious on any of my venues in regards to anything I’m doing for my business. This podcast rides the line very closely because it is more so for me in talking about my healing process and allowing me to put those emotions out there, but I don’t want to directly relate to just a current event that has been happening, which I think is very relevant, but I want to talk about a personal experience that did happen to me that I was mentioning about a week ago, that really hit me in a similar fashion. I don’t want to give away too many of the details because it was such an ugly incident in the way that it occurred, but long story short, it resulted in miscommunication that empowered somebody to make a judgment that resulted in them having a horrible, a very toxic thought process towards me.

For the first time in a long time, when I looked at this individual, I could feel their hatred for me. I could feel their anger towards me. I could feel their strong desire, almost feeling of necessity to take physical action towards me to resolve whatever they were feeling. Like I said, this summer has been a huge summer of growth for me. I’ve done a lot of personal reflection. I’ve done a lot of really digging deep and trying to get very clear about who I am as a person, what my values are. When this person confronted me, well, number one, I had my daughter with me, so a little bit of defense did come up because I was concerned for the safety of my daughter in a situation where somebody was so strongly angry with me, putting me in a bucket of descriptors of a category of people that they clearly did not like, that they hated.

When I was looking at her and seeing this strong emotion in her eyes, I couldn’t help but see a mirror and have it funnel back to me and challenging me to really think about who I am and why this emotion bothered me so much, and this is just how I processed it. This is not how anyone else needs to process it in dealing with these … These things that are happening are hard. They’re just very, very hard and I don’t even know the words to say because there are no words to make any of it okay or any of it right. One of my, I guess you can call her spiritual teacher, somebody that I look up to as a role model, is … Oh my gosh, I can’t even say this, but she is the author, teacher Gabrielle Bernstein. One of the things that she has instilled in me through many of her lessons is that the shadows that I see in you reflect directly the shadows that I see within me. The light that I see within you is a direct reflection of the light that I see within me.

I’ve done this practice, I’ve learned this lesson, and I’ve done it so many times with situations that were not this heavy, being confronted with someone who had this large amount of anger and hate in their eyes directed at me, towards me, full on, and having me fully process it and then taking that lesson to really challenge myself and say, “The shadows that I see in you are the shadows that I see in me.” As hard as it was to admit, the things that she saw in me, that she was very vocal about what she saw in me, at some level, no matter how big or how small, I agreed with some of them. I saw them within myself. Whether I had buried them deep, maybe there are years of people saying them and I just tucked them away somewhere, that is still a shadow that I have within me that I haven’t healed, and there’s no doubt why wouldn’t I be the first to heal it. I mean, it’s something that is so vulnerable. I mean, it’s so intimate to me.

It is something that has to do specifically with my identity and who I am, and it really comes down to the fact about me judging myself and if I’m worthy, if I’m enough, if I even matter, or I’m a failure. This judgment, this shadow that I saw within myself, all attributed to those kinds of thought processes, those ones that I have been trying to heal because those are things that I don’t know if you do, but I know I do. I think all the time, not as much so, but they still creep in. The ego still drops. Maybe not all those statements, but periodically throughout my day, if I don’t have a great interaction with somebody, it falls down and says, “Who are you? Who are you to be doing this work?” Then it will come out of nowhere of, “My gosh, you are totally not worthy of your husband. Why do you think that he could ever love someone like you?”

I mean, they always creep in somewhere, and me healing them over the last three years is not going to take care the 30 plus years of junk that has accumulated, and created these habits and thought processes. Now I guess I could make an argument that it was a beautiful gift to confront me, to have someone to confront me with such a strong emotion that made me look deep within because I wasn’t going to engage. I wasn’t going to fight back. I knew for a fact that my primary goal was … this person was not happy with me, possibly wanted to do a physical altercation. I was with my six-year-old at the time, and my main goal was to make sure that my daughter wasn’t more afraid than she currently was and that I could get out of the situation safely and hopefully with a minimal amount of engagement, and doing so in trying to diffuse the situation and not engaged. Just force myself deeper and deeper into this reflection, and that’s kind of where it ended.

I watch these things that are happening around us in the world today and all of it is just … I shouldn’t say all of it. A lot of it is sad. It’s very, very sad. It is heartbreaking. My heart breaks for so many people that are experiencing this every day, who have experienced loss because of it, and I challenge you that if we can all do our piece and recognize that the shadows that I see in you are the shadows that I see within me, the light that I see in you is the light that I see within me, at least ask yourself the question. Ask yourself if there are shadows there and really, really challenge yourself because for us to be light in the world, to be the good in the world, to make the change and restore it back to the place that we love, we have to do the work internally just like we want others to do the work internally.

That is my episode for today. I hope at least some piece maybe resonated with you, and perhaps it made no sense. Perhaps it brought up emotions for you that maybe … I don’t know. Hopefully doesn’t cause you to never listen to this podcast again, but I promise that real-time lessons that I’m learning and sharing those, and this is what I felt compelled to share at this time, so until the next time. Thanks for listening to my heart. Bye.

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