Last week, the Cat card was revealed. Bringing the challenge for the week to look at our relationships as well as ourselves. To embrace this time of physical boundaries to explore what life is like when we can truly separate ourselves from others.
This is an active struggle for me since I am someone that apparently loves to put everyone else before myself. I’ve neglected my own personal needs and as a result, am having to undo by healing the damage of self-sabotage. Throughout the years, I’ve worked with personal coaches and counselors, with the challenge always being the same. I don’t set boundaries and even when I do, I don’t respect them. And if I don’t respect them, how could I ever expect anyone else to?
This past weekend, I flipped out because my husband made coffee. In fact, if we want to be specific, he made coffee so that it would be ready when I woke up. His whole intention was to be helpful and thoughtful and I flipped out. How dare he make coffee, I make the coffee. How could he make coffee, he doesn’t know my particular coffee ground measurement to create that perfect cup I enjoy every morning. I even got more upset when I took a sip of this thoughtful coffee and it was as I expected a disappointment. I began to cry. He apologized profusely, reiterating that he was just trying to be helpful. He said he knew I had been tired and wanted to do something to lighten the load of my morning. I responded with a harsh, you could’ve done anything but make the coffee.
I began to explain that coffee had become somewhat of a centering morning ritual for me during this COVID-19 Stay at Home Mandate. As an introvert, living in a household of dominant extroverts, I had been struggling to find some solace to recover. The coffee making and sipping the perfect cup had become my solace in the morning and by him making the coffee he took that away from me. But how was he to know? How was he to know that my introverted struggle was reaching new depths? How could he truly know when his struggles during this time come from an extroverted nature and he was attempting to fulfill my needs as if I was an extrovert as well.
This occurrence was a blend of two dynamics at play.
- Me not being truthful about my innate nature and needs with my spouse.
- Me not being truthful about my innate nature and needs with myself.
I have been functioning like this stay at home mandate is a heavily extroverted weekend with the family that I just need to survive. This mandate has gone on for long enough to dictate that it is truly a new way of life. I cannot live in survival mode. It’s not fair to me or my family, to be functioning at my marginal best.
As we continue with our animal inspired series, the crow card was revealed this week. The crow asks us to increase our self-awareness this week and own our truth. The crow hints that our truth may be the key to finding the balance we are ultimately seeking life.
Discussion: Share with us in the comments below what you discovered this week. How did your self-awareness deepen and what truth do you want to hold onto?
I hope this week’s pause and practice serve you!